when did that happen?

ever wake up one day and feel like you're in the wrong body.  like this past week ive noticed the bulges on the sides of my back and the slight softness in my belly.  a serious what the hell moment.  because that is the last place my fat goes. i worked out twice today, mainly because i had lunch with my grandma and we had mexican, but still what the hell, where did that come from!
its so freaking easy to gain weight and so effing hard to lose it.
im going to hawaii in 3 weeks, so the double workout thing might just continue....

effffff

growing up

when you are little you are taught to trust grown ups.  that they know more than you, that what they do is right, and that you should be like them.  parents, teachers, family, friends.  but there comes a time when you realize that they are not perfect.  that they make mistakes.  that they can be very, very wrong.

the only lesson i can really take away when i realize someone i once believed in so much is completely different in reality than what i thought in my head, is that as i grow up...i must stay humble.  i must admit to my mistakes, admit to being selfish and stubborn when i am.  i am headstrong i know, but i feel that my intentions are always for the best.  i want to be the best version of myself and i feel that can only happen once i acknowledge my mistakes.

there was a bitter time in my life. and after everything that has happened, i really try to be optimistic.  i hate being around negative people.

i don't know where i'm going with this. i guess i've just realized truly how many people there are in this world...

i guess if someone were to describe me, i would hope they say that i was:
kind
ambitious
creative
sensitive
loyal
smart
honest
and a hopeless romantic ;)